learning chinese and driving stick

On the drive home tonight, after listening to the 6 conversations in Chinese that I've been hearing over and over (and over and over) again, I was thinking about this whole process of learning Chinese.

When I first met up with Faith (the language exchange person who contacted me through the GBCCA), she asked why I wanted to learn Chinese. There are plenty of "ABC"s that don't speak any Chinese, she says. (yeah, like me. And we'll skip the discussion about the internal response to that particular term) My usual response to this is that I'd like to better communicate with my Grandfather, who speaks English (and quite well back in the day), but seems to speak it much less frequently as the years have passed. (When I've visited recently on my brief trips home for holidays or vacations, he'll usually make a short comment to me in English, maybe a question, and then quickly slip back into Chinese again.) There are also the paintings done by my Grandmother on my father's side that I'd like to be able to read. And the memorial about my other Grandfather, also on my father's side, which is written in Chinese. I've also started mentioning that I'm hoping to visit China sometime soon and I'd like to have at least a minimal grasp of the language to get around.

But sometimes I do wonder why I'm going through this. It's hard work. And like the last time I tried to do this, I'm finding that work and day-to-day living gets in the way. It's hard to carve out the time that I need to properly study and review the material. And the answer I find is this: I feel like I should already know how to do this, and that bugs me. I feel stupid. It's just talking, after all.

And I realized that when (or if) I master this, I'll probably be pretty pleased with myself, but really... What's the big deal? Sure, there's all that stuff I just said about it being tough and all, but again: it's just talking. I mean, it's the language I grew up with, and yet, I never absorbed much of it. Just able to pick up little snippets of conversations. Oh, the dog just pooped in the bedroom. uh, something happened, er, somewhere? yesterday? today? Dinnertime! Yeah, I got a long way to go. But if I get there? Cool. But, big whoof.

It kind of reminds me of how I felt when I finally learned how to drive a car with a manual transmission. I remember struggling when I'd borrow a friend's car in college, desperation trying to get off the Northeast Expressway in Pennsylvania (I can't find 3rd!!), driving back to school from Spring Break. And finally, several years out of school, I bought a car with a manual transmission both because it was cheaper and because I figured it was about time that I learned. And I learned. And it was good. And I was really pleased with myself. I wanted to say to my friends "Yo, check it! I got skeeellz!" except really, it's not a big deal. 'cause lots of people can speak Chinese.

BTW, today's words are: chá (tea) and (gotta love this) kAfEi (coffee)